Sunday, August 08, 2004

Be a peacemaker

On the way from Ninoy Aquino International Airport, Philippines.
Dec., 2003.

So much for euphoria. Damn short-lived happiness. I’m trying not to let myself get affected by other people’s negative moods but it’s hard when they’re my good friends and are important to me. How can I not care how they feel? Stupid soaking up emotions like a sponge. Someone once said that I wear my heart on my sleeve – believe me, it’s the first thing I’d immediately change of myself. I’d like to be the stronger person and not care that someone’s mad at me for some stupid mistake I’ve made. I’d like to be a proper bitch and snap at someone who probably deserves it and not agonize over it for ages later. I’d like to tell a couple of friends to snap out of their self-pity and move on – and not worry that they’d just get mad at me. All of you have such great potential, and interesting lives – so get over your self-imposed misery and call me or reply to my e-mails! For goodness sakes, I’ve got one more day before I head back to the field. I’d like to know whether you’re ok or I’d end up worrying throughout my stay. And no, abrupt one-liners ain’t cutting it for me.

Public announcement is over.

In GoodNewsville, I’ve talked to my dad about my desire to learn more about my heritage, and he told me about this village on top of a mountain. He claims that it’s the most traditional village of our culture. All the inhabitants are elderly however the young do come back to help celebrate Gawai (rice festival). I told him that I was interested in living there for a couple of months to learn how to speak our language, and he got pretty excited.

“Do you want to buy a room?” he asked.

Eeerr… not really, Dad. I do plan to come back. While the thought of becoming a hermit and cutting off all emotional ties is rather appealing, considering the all kinds of hurt I’m experiencing lately – I am tied too much to this crazy ‘civilized’ world of ours.

We’re gonna do a recce of the village, Dad and I, when I get back from the field. And at the end of the month, I’m heading over to “the most beautiful town in West Malaysia”. Spanky wants to come but I’d believe it when I see the ticket in his hands. And I’m heading over to Bali next month because I’m tired of waiting and Kuching. Well, I’d believe it when I see the ticket in my hands.