Monday, August 02, 2004

I hate airport goodbyes

Airport goodbyes are on the top of my list of Things Best Avoided. I am relieved that Daniel and I had our farewell the night before; especially since we ended up running late and his plane was due to depart in about 20 minutes. We spent most of the day in Life Café, having our last chess match (I WON!) and chatting. By the time we left the café, it was pouring like crazy and we huddled under Daniel’s brolly, as we navigated our way through Carpenter Street.

By the time we reached the airport, it was time to board the plane and we had a hasty goodbye hug. I waited outside the departure gate as Daniel stood in line for immigration. He kept turning around and waving to me, which was really nice but then I started to tear up pretty quickly and was gathering stares from the security guards and other people. And so I moved to a more discreet spot where I could watch Daniel and make sure that he got through immigration okay. However, he didn’t see me leave and he kept turning back to look for me. Part of me wanted to yell at him to say, “I’m right here! I never left!” but a complete silence from me was working to maintain what remained of my steadily crumbling composure. I’m not one for public scenes, especially in Malaysia.

I drove back home and the first thing my Dad asked me was, “where’s Daniel?”

“He’s left,” I replied, biting my lower lip.

“OH NO!” my dad cried. He didn’t really get to say a proper goodbye to Daniel and I think he’d miss him too. EVERYONE misses Daniel, including the Bartender-from-Hell. But ah, those two – they have a special relationship that only they can share amongst themselves. Marita’s fussy Rottweiler fell in love with him on first sight. Marita remains amazed because her dog has never been so immediately fond of a stranger. Apparently, she’s still pouting that he’s gone (the dog, not Marita – but she misses him too).

I don’t know what to say – I really, really miss him a lot too. The next couple of days are going to be really strange as I adjust to not having Daniel around. When I commented in his blog a few months ago that he should visit Sarawak, I never knew that it was going to set off a chain of events that would ultimately lead to me gaining such a wonderful, close friend. He really means so much to me – I would always be grateful for the thought-provoking conversations we shared inside and outside the rainforest. Would it be utterly corny to say that he has changed my life, for making me see my time on this earth in a different light? Because he has. He has made me want to act – PLAN to act – on dreams I previously stifled for a duty I felt bound to. He made me do an important thing for myself that I haven’t done in at least a couple of years. And with this knowledge in hand, I’m several steps closer to living a life that I choose for myself.

A comment on my previous entry asked if it was love calling.

Yes, it is.

But not the kind of love that you might be thinking of. It’s the love for a wonderful person, who I can proudly say, is my friend. For once, I’m not feeling my usual, short-lived intense crushes (that are usually physical and often delusional). Oh but don’t get me wrong – I think Daniel’s incredibly cute and attractive and he’s soooo nice and funny and wonderful to talk to and of course, not a day goes by without me thinking, “he’s the perfect guy – damn China” but I really, really can’t let myself get into a romantic kind of feeling for him because it would be futile anyway and like a wise one (or rather many wise ones – my friends) said, “tis better to have true friendship love than romantic love – you’d have him in your life forever”.

All this is a lot easier for me when I realize that we both have our separate life journeys, especially for now. But it doesn’t mean that I would miss him any less.


At 6:27 PM, Blogger Gette said...

Speaking from experience, guy friends are something to treasure. Whoever said men and women can't be friends are missing out. :-)

Yes, we'll all miss him too. But wherever he ends up, he'll never be further than an email away.

See you soon.

At 6:48 PM, Blogger Froot said...

he's a nice boy. i approve of him and am regretting that i didn't get the chance to pinch his cheeks.

seriously though, all of us will miss him, albeit to different extents. and the best thing out of that impulsive invitation of yours is a close friendship that will most likely last for a very long time, if not for life.


At 6:52 PM, Blogger Froot said...

i also hate airport goodbyes. i've had 3 already this month!

At 8:12 PM, Blogger mac said...

Like flashes of lightning at night, sometimes the people who have the most vivid effect on us are the ones who are with us just for a while.

And thanks to the marvels of modern technology, Daniel needen't disappear into the misty past.

We'll meet him again somehow, someday. I feel it.

At 8:20 PM, Blogger Bertha said...

I like avoiding airport goodbyes too. I'll certainly miss the British boy's presence come December - got so used to seeing him around, with all of us bunch of girls.

Then again, as the others have said before, technology is a wonderful thing nowadays. Which means he's always only an email away.

I'm really glad the two of you had the chance to really bond during your time in the rainforest. I'm going to miss him too, and I can't imagine how you must feel. Or perhaps I do. *hugs*

I'm sure you'll see each other again. Gives you more reason to come to London if one day he makes his way back here after going round the whole globe. ;)

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Daniel said...

Can't believe you were still there in the airport - I was looking around for you, they had told me my plane was delayed, so I suddenly was in no rush... :(
But maybe these airport goodbyes are best done once, and cleanly. We said our real goodbyes at Life Cafe and in your house.

I was immediately missing you terribly. All my philosophising about rivers and caves suddenly seemed very paltry when I was sitting by myself in the departure hall. Very sad to go, but, as I said, all the freelance journalist jobs at the Borneo Post were already taken by your friends. Got to head off...

All the things about your life we talked about were things you already had in your mind. I think you knew all along what you wanted to do - and sure lots of good things will come along for you. I was really excited thinking about all the things you want to do with your life, and all the opportunities that are out there for you. Glad that hearing my Dr Philisms and life planning mania were useful in sorting all these out.

You've said some lovely things about me, I'm practically glowing here in this dingy KL internet cafe. I hope I can live up to them!

Lots, lots of love,


PS Damn you for winning that last game! I will have my revenge over the internet, soon, SOOOON!

At 12:34 AM, Blogger Marita Paige said...

Cayce, I'm glad I wasn't there because I would have burst into tears for sure. Damn the silly boy for making us all mushy!

I'm feeling quite weird myself too because he's not sleeping in your dog house with bug-eyed stimpy guarding his door tonight. sigh. There's too many goodbyes this month.

At 12:34 AM, Blogger sativa said...

Oh yes, us girls definitely misses Daniel. He is, afterall, our token male in the group. He's a cool guy in my book. Yeah, I'm pretty sure we'll see him again one day.

*hugs for Cayce and Daniel*

At 12:56 AM, Blogger Bertha said...

'Our token male in the group' sounds just right. After all, he did put up with a lot that weekend in Santubong that's gone down in history. LOL

The next time another guy wants to gain entry into the MG group, Daniel gets the honours of doing the initiation. And gosh, all these talks about goodbyes is making me MISS ALL OF YOU VERY MUCH! *wails*

At 1:05 AM, Blogger sativa said...

bertha: aw...I miss you too! *clings*

At 7:34 PM, Blogger Froot said...

I remember the time when my friends and I sent Andy off for his 6 months stint on the cruise shop. Just after he got past immigration and walked into the departure hall proper, I quickly walked into the toilet to wipe away the tears that had all too quickly filled my eyes and to compose myself.

*hugs* You and Daniel will be good friends for a long time. Wouldn't it be cool if the whole bunch of us M&G girls attack his London flat a few years from now?? Heh. If he's even back there. Anyway, me see you soon lah.

At 8:13 PM, Blogger Bertha said...

ooooh, attacking london in itself sounds like a terribly good idea. ;)

At 9:44 PM, Blogger Froot said...

Ya! That sounds like a terribly good idea, hor? I bag your bathtub first ... wait, do you have a bathtub?? hee hee hee. Any space on the floor of your flat about 6 x 2 is good enough for me! :-p

At 10:09 PM, Blogger Bertha said...

Yes, I have a bathtub! But no need to be so kho-lian. I'm sure I can somehow squeeze all of you into my flat. We just kick my brother out, is all. Hehehehe!


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