Friday, August 27, 2004

life amongst debris

life amongst debris

I was going to write a frivolous entry (because these ones are always fun to write) about last night's ego-stroking but then I read the latest update of my favourite weblog ever, Superhero Journal and wanted to share it with you:

Sometimes it's hard to know which self to present, which self to believe, which self to ignore and which self to embrace. Sometimes it's hard to have faith. Sometimes it's hard to trust and just keep going…

Lately, I’ve been experiencing my different selves and am confused about my real self, the one who really knows what she wants. I love my fieldwork and am proud of my project: when I talk to people about it, I could hear the joy and enthusiasm in my voice. Yet sometimes, I feel so fatigued. I’m tired of the constant solitude in the field, no one to talk to. The politics in and out the field drive me mad. I don’t feel that I’m moving forward in the personal aspect of my life. But sometimes, I do feel that I AM moving forward in all aspects because I am doing what I believe in.. Yet, I don’t feel that what I do (work AND volunteer) is truly making a difference in the long-term, and so on and so on..

Maybe we never know what we really want. We think we do on certain days, but the rest of the days where we feel ambiguous, shouldn’t be disregarded either. Myself, I shall promise myself not to rush to the finish line, to take each step at a time and not look back with regret, and just simply embrace life. And it really is beautiful.

Andrea of Superhero Journal also directs her readers to Danny Gregory, whose weblog has immediately become my must-read. Like Andrea’s, I simply love his words and sketched images. It’s my inspiration to fill in the white, blank pages of my new travel journal for my up-coming Bali trip with glorious sketched memories.

I can say this for sure: booking that ticket to Bali has been the best decision I’ve made lately. Sure, I get scared sometimes, thinking about travelling on my own for two weeks but at the same time, I’m happy that I’m finally doing what I wanted to do for so long. This self, I embrace.

[addendum: ok, Danny Gregory's my new favourite weblog. I've been going through his older entries, and am feeling wonderfully inspired. You gotta read serendipity doo dah - i wholeheartedly agree! and this is for me personally: living well through bad drawings (hee)]