Originally uploaded by miss cayce.
Why is it that the body and mind are often at odds with each other? Hello, body, this is Cayce's brain talking right now and you ought to listen to her, she knows what she's talking about. Actually, the brain is in command right now, and has been for quite sometime. I'm just annoyed when the Object-Of-Visceral-Reaction saunters by and I can't stop myself from reacting.
He gets under my skin so much and has been quite the main subject of my rants to my friends. This is when Brain takes over and rationalize why there is no possible avenue of pursuing this.. god forbid, strange attraction I feel for this person.
He thinks that I'm mad at him because I've been behaving rather cold to him lately. Oh the games that we play.. Actually, it's just me overcompensating for this strong reaction he unwittingly provokes in me. How strong? The first time we met after a very long time, he left me physically shaking. It's so bizarre! No one's ever made me feel that way. Even my past boyfriends, come to think about it. I remember staring at my hand, which was trembling; and felt my heart racing. And all we had was this casual, friendly conversation, where for once, he wasn't being flirty.
Getting to know him better was quite the antidote. Ha haa.. He's so annoying! He knows which buttons to push and I get all worked up. And then I get so annoyed at myself for letting him affect me so much. But see what I mean about body and mind not cooperating? Silly body.
It'd be a disaster if we ever got together. I don't want to put myself through unnecessary angst over a short fling because that's what he specializes in - flings. And no, I don't see myself as the Woman who would change him. The only person that could change him is himself. And yes, there is a pride thing where I do not want to fall in line with the multitudes of women chasing after him. We're better off as just friends, and I thought I could deal with that but it's harder than I thought. Whenever I see him, I get butterflies in my stomach, which is not wholly an unpleasant experience but it just makes things complicated and I don't want to deal with complications right now, especially when I highly doubt that it would work out for the better. Who needs the extra drama?
So yeah, I don't return his smses, I am always busy when he tries to meet up (with perfectly valid engagements!) so we've petered off into... a weird, uncomfortable place - which I feel bad about.
Oh well, we can't make everyone happy all the time, including ourselves.