Monday, September 13, 2004

escape


escape
Originally uploaded by miss cayce.

Why is it that the body and mind are often at odds with each other? Hello, body, this is Cayce's brain talking right now and you ought to listen to her, she knows what she's talking about. Actually, the brain is in command right now, and has been for quite sometime. I'm just annoyed when the Object-Of-Visceral-Reaction saunters by and I can't stop myself from reacting.

He gets under my skin so much and has been quite the main subject of my rants to my friends. This is when Brain takes over and rationalize why there is no possible avenue of pursuing this.. god forbid, strange attraction I feel for this person.

He thinks that I'm mad at him because I've been behaving rather cold to him lately. Oh the games that we play.. Actually, it's just me overcompensating for this strong reaction he unwittingly provokes in me. How strong? The first time we met after a very long time, he left me physically shaking. It's so bizarre! No one's ever made me feel that way. Even my past boyfriends, come to think about it. I remember staring at my hand, which was trembling; and felt my heart racing. And all we had was this casual, friendly conversation, where for once, he wasn't being flirty.

Getting to know him better was quite the antidote. Ha haa.. He's so annoying! He knows which buttons to push and I get all worked up. And then I get so annoyed at myself for letting him affect me so much. But see what I mean about body and mind not cooperating? Silly body.

It'd be a disaster if we ever got together. I don't want to put myself through unnecessary angst over a short fling because that's what he specializes in - flings. And no, I don't see myself as the Woman who would change him. The only person that could change him is himself. And yes, there is a pride thing where I do not want to fall in line with the multitudes of women chasing after him. We're better off as just friends, and I thought I could deal with that but it's harder than I thought. Whenever I see him, I get butterflies in my stomach, which is not wholly an unpleasant experience but it just makes things complicated and I don't want to deal with complications right now, especially when I highly doubt that it would work out for the better. Who needs the extra drama?

So yeah, I don't return his smses, I am always busy when he tries to meet up (with perfectly valid engagements!) so we've petered off into... a weird, uncomfortable place - which I feel bad about.

Oh well, we can't make everyone happy all the time, including ourselves.

6 Comments:

At 8:19 PM, Blogger mac said...

The classic battle between Brain & Hormones !!

Usually in my case the Hormones win....
It's very very hard to resist isn't it ?

What else can I say but...

....good luck ?

 
At 6:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oooohhh,....that's not nice. There is a reason why he sent you an SMS.

as they say, time waits for no man,....or woman.

SP

 
At 8:11 AM, Blogger Cayce said...

SP: oddly, enough, I think I have plenty of time to find the right guy, I'm not needy to jump into any kind of a relationship to fill up the time, and I'm not going to bother wasting my time with someone whom I know for a fact is just looking fun. Yeah, there's a reason why the SMS is sent - he wants to play me!

Actually, I think it's meaner to encourage someone (by returning their SMSes, etc.) whom you know that you don't see yourself with realistically. Don't you think?

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger Marita Paige said...

SP, I don't know who you are, but you have this inclination to leave the most immature, hormone-led, often pointless comments on my friend's blog.

So what exactly do you mean, "time waits for no man, or woman", in this context? Do you actually believe that all this primal hankering after women by men is acceptable to all?

*rolls eyes & walks away, not deigning to say more*

 
At 2:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's no smoke without a fire. It takes two to tango, ...etc...I meant to say that is not a nice situation to be in. I agree that you should move on from knowing this Playa, realistically. Also, I am sure you'll find your Mr Right sometime in the future.

However, reading from the entry on your blog, I get the impression that you do not wish to entertain thoughts of "what if ?" as regards "your object of visceral, etc" sauntering past. After all, you have moved on. And so would he.

I like the pics.

yours sincerely

SP

 
At 9:32 AM, Blogger Cayce said...

ah, ok, i think i see what you're trying to say...

no worries

 

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