Saturday, February 05, 2005

I want a Rough Guide to Men

Men are strange creatures.

You yell at them, you make angry faces at them, you make fun of the hair on their backs, you judge them, you yell at them some more and at the end of the day, they still want to protect you.

Last night was a night of revelations and kumbaya moments. Of course, only because the aid of alcohol and some more alcohol, to the strains of Urdu music (so lovely). Ended up crashing the night at someone's apartment, with the rest of my friends. Felt rather skanky going home at around 8 a.m. in last night's clothes. The good thing was that my family never even noticed. The rest of today was spent recovering from a hangover and feeling very sorry for myself.

I remember last night in bits and pieces, I remember the intense discussion (bordering on argument, really) that MP had with another friend, I remember that friend calling Americans "uncivilized barbarians" and revealing how much he hates the whites (and he has a white girlfriend, go figure), I remember crying a bit because friends said very nice things about me and I felt so touched, I remember being flabbergasted when a friend suddenly revealed that he had felt hurt that I had placed more trust on an ex than I did on him. The thing was that we weren't particularly close friends to begin with. He antagonizes me in many ways although lately, I have loosen up on him. He's actually a pretty good guy and his apartment wasn't the skank ho drug haven from Hell that I was expecting. When I exclaimed my astonishment on how CLEAN his place was, he said with bemusement, "what do you think of me?" I don't know.. occupant of skank ho drug haven from Hell maybe.

The whole trust with ex incident is pretty weird because I hadn't expected myself having so much trust in him. It's actually really embarrassing. He must be feeling all big now, that idiot.

He was the only one, amongst a group of people I like and respect, who convinced me to come down the tower. After my initial excitement of abseiling, once I actually got to the tower, I freaked out and no one could convinced me to just lower myself on the ground. Until the ex grapped the rope on the ground and told me that it was safe. Once I got back on the ground, I had summoned enough courage to go back up on the tower and abseil down. The other dude admitted to me that I was the only reason why he went back up with me, despite his fear of heights, to give me moral support. And despite this, once I got back up the second time, I still couldn't do it, even with his continued encouragement. It took the ex to casually push me off the tower (the worst part is letting yourself go backwards to get into the L-shape position, everything else was such a breeze) - and I finally did it! Abseil, baby! In retrospect, that was funny. It was probably therapy for him - how many people could say that they've pushed their exes off a tower?

So last night, he confessed all this, much to my huge surprise. Honestly, I don't know why it's even worth talking about it because before last night, I hadn't really considered him as a good friend. I haven't known him as long as the ex, whom I obviously have a history with so it's no brainer that I still trust him a whole lot (much to my surprise) even though I definitely know I have no more romantic feelings for him. I guess I'm surprised and touched that he considers me a good friend, despite me ragging on him. He heee. I can't help it, he takes it with such good humour than anyone else i know. You know that sort of behaviour only encourages me.

At one point, he told me with such earnest, "I would never forgive myself if you get hurt". I stared at him a bit, and resisted the urge to pat his hand and go, "awwww...."

AND just in case you're thinking of it, he's not into me in a romantic way. The dude has a girlfriend that he really cares about. I definitely am NOT into him in that way, and never shall be, sohelpmeGod. But I like him more than I ever did before. I think it's touching that he's so protective of his friends. It's really admirable.

Anyway, last night was good fun. Got really chatty with MP, whom I confessed my undying non-lesbianic love and admiration to. And then we had our kumbaya moment. Good therapy stuff.

Oy, I had today all planned out but it all fell into pieces because I was, er, sick. Take my shoes to the cobbler, get my bike repaired because SOMEBODY borrowed it, broke the pedal and NEVER said anything to me about it, which I felt was really rude. Hey, accidents happen but the least you could do is to apologize (and pay for the repairs). Dude, I know you read this journal - where's my long-awaited apology??


20 Comments:

At 1:44 AM, Blogger sativa said...

Oh, no wonder no reply to my SMS that day. Heh.

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger Cayce said...

What? Oh, I replied.

This was my answer:

:-(

I also wanted to do :'(

but it was too difficult at the time.

Didn't I press send after all??

 
At 10:32 AM, Blogger Quixotic Cat said...

Awesome Blog & Pics! Good Luck with your Guide to Men! When it's done can I borrow it? >^..^<

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger Froot said...

ooooh, you went abseiling! i would have helped ex push you too! hee hee hee maybe cos i just wanna see you scream lah :-p

yeah, you physically hit them and they still want to protect you and not themselves. men are weird.

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger Cayce said...

Quixotic Cat, I shall make copies and distribute to the entire female population of the world. It shall be my one act of greatness.

Froot: "physically hit"??? :-0 Never got into a physical brawl, other than with my siblings (o what a fun childhood), so not sure about the hitting part. Although this same guy swore up and down that how he thought hitting women was such a despicable, cowardly act. He says that he'd never hit a woman, and this other guy - you know SAPPPPPPY, admitted that he would hit a woman if she hits him first. Sheesh. All this hitting, not enough kumbaya.

Hmmm... if you were to push me off the tower, you know I'd just grab you and drag you along with me.. :-P

 
At 7:56 PM, Blogger mac said...

Well, generally speaking...

....men are stupid. Except the evil, manipulative ones, they're not.

A rough guide to the opposite sex ? Everyone needs one of those. Maybe we should start compiling factoids from all our friends and acquaintances about their experiences and sift through them.

I'm sure in time we'll have enough to post one heck of a blog entry.

I'll contribute one factoid right now:-

Men can't read hints. Hinting WILL NOT convey a clear message to a man. Expecting a man to take a hint will mostly lead to tears and recrimination later. We don't have that kind of intuition.If you want to let a man know anything at all, say. Don't hint.

And to make factoid gathering more fun, please feel free to disagree.

Have a good day.

 
At 9:58 PM, Blogger Nick-ed@keksilang said...

I agree with mac. Because I dont get hints either.
Here's my factoid:
Men goes out with his girlfriend to meet and hang out casually with his friends not because she's his prize to be shown off, but because he wants her to know that she's a big part of his life and he wants her to be comfortable around his friends. More importantly, He doesn't want her to feel left out.

I could be wrong so feel free to counter this. :)

 
At 10:12 AM, Blogger Cayce said...

Mac, I wholeheartedly agree. Men are thick as bricks. Gotta spell it out for them. mwaa ha ha haaa

Nick (?), I don't see a problem with that either. I actually think it would be a problem if he doesn't want his friends to meet her. Is he ashamed of her or something??

But one of my pet peeves is when it's supposed to be a Girls Night Out, and a friend brings along her boyfriend/current crush. It's so frikking annoying. There's a time and place to bring your boys but Girls Night Out should remain testosterone-free, despite us liking the guy anyhow. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the same way for guys. It's supposed to be a Boys Night Out but then you bring your sulking girlfriend who would only interact with you. Next time, leave the chick at home lah.

 
At 4:53 PM, Blogger Dee M said...

Couldn't agree with you more on the Girls Night Out thing,there Cayce.Some just still don't get it and think at times because we say it is a Girls Night Out,it means we hate their significant others.Haihs...all kinds of people.

 
At 9:31 PM, Blogger mac said...

Well, personally I wouldn't mind having a girl along with on a so-called boys' night out. As long as she's cool and not overly dainty about it.

And in my opinion, it should be good for the girl if she were surrounded by guys on a night out. That was maybe she'll have an understanding of how guys work and what makes them tick (trust me, it's not just the sex).

Ditto when there's one guy in the middle of a group of girls.

Actually I don't place any premium on gender when I'm hanging out. It don't matter to me. I somehow think that's discriminatory. I do however have friends who are very, very particular about gender separation when we hang out. Obviously, these friends are the very conservative ones.

We're all different I guess....

 
At 9:35 PM, Blogger mac said...

On a clarifying note, in that last paragraph, I'm talking about my MALE friends. I'm not in any way saying that it's wrong to have a girls/boys only night out.

Horses for courses, like they say.

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Nick-ed@keksilang said...

While we're on the subject, let me ask this to both sides of the coin:
ladies: Taller guys or shorter(say anything below the nose height) and would a man's younger age be an issue(say, 2 years to, oh... 5 years, maybe)?

guys: any problems with taller women? i haven't got a girl taller than me so i dont know. What about if she's older than you? about the same height and age perimeter given above. i did had a girl friend(just mutual friend) who is older than me by 2 years and she was attracted to me. did get the hint but i just shrugged it off because i was SO messed up both emotionally and mentally back then.

i might blog something about this, IF i can find the 'ON' switch for my brain! :P

 
At 11:28 PM, Blogger Cayce said...

Mac: I'm not talking about some random night with the girls, hence the title "Girls Night Out". GNO is GNO is GNO. The guy can be cool, whatever but these two things will always happen whenever there is a guy/ONE person of the opposite sex in the mix:

1. He/she don't interact with the rest of the group, and spend the rest of the night pouting in their various ways

2. The topic of conversation gets tailored to whomever present. So when there's a guy in the mix, especially if it's NOT someone that the rest of us are close to, topics become less personal. And it sucks when you don't usually have a Girls Night Out because everyone is so busy, and that's why they should remain sacred.

Respect the Girls Night Out.


Nick, dude, I recently had a crush on a short guy who's five years younger than me. Never mind the age thing, I've always thought height mattered to me. I guess you never say never!! Anyway, maturity is what matters (in terms of age, and in some cases, short guys).

For me personally, as long as we had common interests (ourdoor activities, respect for wildlife and nature, interest in world issues, reads voraciously, etc..), height nor age would not as matter much to me.

To be honest, I think I am more attracted towards younger guys than older (MUCH older) men because the latter just seem, well, so OLD. And the fact that I look much younger for my age, kinda creeps me out when an older guy takes an interest in me. And don't ask me why, but it's usually the older guys who find me attractive! *shudder*

 
At 3:02 AM, Blogger mac said...

I'm not talking about some random girls night out either.

I understand what you mean when there's someone there that might change the group dynamic, hence the modifying of topic of conversation. Especially if it's a guy.

Most guys feel like that too, how it becomes incredibly awkward if there is someone else there who is either not in the circle or not of the same gender or both.

I guess I'm a blabbermouth like that since I'm not bothered by whoever shows up provided that it's OUR function that she is joining and provided I have at least one other friend to play of (the so-called partner in crime). She can either join in or listen, up to her. We do this.

But I guess that's just me.

 
At 3:20 AM, Blogger mac said...

And to add yet again, yes I do respect The Girls Nite Out.

Apparently we both have a lot to say about things like these. So how come we've never talked about this over coffee yet ?

 
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At 8:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

>>GNO is GNO is GNO

Amen to that! Girls' Night Out is girls' night out - doesn't matter how well the entire group gets along with the guy. Special dispensation for the gay friend however, since he'll be more like a 'sister', but otherwise it's a night where we can talk about anything and everything, no holds barred. Just as guys will have their guy things to do and talk about. :D

Besides, it's healthy. The ability to have lots of activities like this shows that even when you're in a relationship, the couple can still have their own friends and most importantly, SPACE!

 
At 8:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that was me, by the way ~ bertha. :D

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger Cayce said...

Hey, thanks for taking the time to write, guys - all great comments! Always appreciate the comments, even if we disagree. :-)

 
At 8:57 AM, Blogger Dermot said...

You make fun of the hairs on men backs? Now that's just not fair, you'll be suggesting that hairy shoulders are bad next.....

 

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