Saturday, June 18, 2005

Anywhere but here

So many photos recently, so little words.. I guess I’ve grown reticent on what to share on this journal. Once bitten by blog melodrama, twice shy. It doesn’t bother me so much about how people would react to my words, despite not knowing the full story but rather, the idea of acquaintances knowing so much about my life, and gossiping about it. Ah! It seems that almost everyone around me these days is a gossip. A colleague demanded to know who I was seeing because he had heard it from a “friend”. My reply was that I didn’t like gossip, especially in the office and he shot back with “it was just ‘talking shit’ ”. Guys – it’s still called gossip, no matter what gender!!

I also have a confession to make – I haven’t read my friends’ blogs for ages (except for one) even though I’ve got them linked (I link to you because I like you as a person, not because I read your blog, sorry). I stopped a long time ago when I realized it was information overload. I’ve also shied away from the Malaysian blog community because it’s incestuous – the patting of each other backs, truly a Malaysian characteristic but for me, I’m not interested in playing the game and thus getting more readers/commenters/links. I don’t write for sympathy, understanding or to meet new random people (bleh to blogger meet-ups!); I want to write for the pure pleasure of writing. Same goes for comments – I leave comments because I’m compelled with what you’ve written (or because I like you la) and not because I want you to come over and read my blog.

I don’t mind the odd stranger dropping by and reading my journal, or even getting to know them by e-mail. I don’t even mind meeting up with them but only when we’ve gotten to know each other. One-to-one meet-ups are fine; free-for-all blogger meet-ups are frankly quite scary.

Having said all that, I’ve met some lovely people through my blog, received nice comments and e-mails from strangers and I hope that continues!

In other news, methinks I will go for the Rainforest Music Festival this July, despite earlier reservations about a conflicting fieldwork schedule. I am pondering about having a room to myself or sharing a room with sis and friends. I’m leaning towards the latter because I know that I won’t be hanging out with the old RWMF crowd this year. The fact that they want to hang out with other bloggers is just not enticing to me. It’s not that I’m being snobbish; it’s just that hanging out with people who have bashed you online is not one of my favourite things in the world. Anyway, I’m looking forward to spending time with KL friends who are coming down for this event. I want to pick a particular friend’s brain on his globe-trotting adventures.

One day soon, I will pack my bags and leave for my great adventure. I am tired of this town. There’s so much of the world that I haven’t seen and I want to experience some of it before it’s too late. I would then be less reticent on my online journal because acquaintances would turn into strangers, and I would care less.


At 12:24 AM, Anonymous Daniel said...

It's definitely easier writing on the internet when travelling - like you say, things get a little strange in a set community. But in Kunming it was nice, only three people read my blog, so it was little a secret pleasure we shared. If everyone I knew had, maybe some of the pleasure would have gone.

I guess your confession means I'll have to send you more emails... Or write you a letter or something.

At 1:07 AM, Blogger Dermot said...

I think you're right, if you're getting tired of a town, go now before you begin to dislike it, it will be fresh again when you return.
If you want to write a blog just for yourself then just create another one, no-one has to know, that's the magic of the internet...

At 10:15 PM, Blogger Cayce said...

Thanks for your thoughts, guys.

I've been brewing over alot of stuff this weekend - this entry was mostly out of frustration of things gone wrong. But the feeling of being trapped in this town? Definitely here for a long while. I'm now actively getting myself out of this rut - luckily, I have some options that most don't normally have. It's up to me to make that plunge. Daniel, I gotta hear your pep talk again about making that leap!!


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