He just wasn't that into meAnd so I was briefing my sister over my latest development over dessert at the ol’ neighbourhood ice cream shoppe, when she paused between bites of her ice cream sundae, and said, “he’s just not into you.”
“Eh?” The phrase sounded familiar – I recalled my friend sending me links of an Oprah episode that featured writers from the Sex and the City show, who wrote the so-titled book. Of course, then, I was in happy la la land, and was glad that all the listed clues didn’t apply to the guy I was then seeing.
Wished she had sent the links about a week ago.
As cliché as it sounds, that phrase made all the sense to me and I stopped feeling quite angsty. Too bad I didn't tell my sister sooner about what was going on because she’s a lot more brutal and less inclined to not hurt my feelings. She’s also very cynical about men and relationships but you know, I think most of the time, her assessments are often on the money.
I was very hurt when he said, “let’s just be friends” because after all that effort he made in the past, he wasn’t as willing to see where this would go. But you know, as hurtful as his actions were (not about telling me the truth, but rather avoiding me for an entire week), it’s a lot better to have this occur now than later in the long term, where I would have invested more feelings.
So what have I learnt from this?
It’s not worth the angst when he gives you the brush-off. He’s just not into you. And we all deserve a significant other who’s truly into us and would make the effort to let us know. Why waste energy angsting over a guy when there’s someone out there who’s great for me? And I totally know that I’m a hottie, amazing, interesting, smart and all the other good stuff. I hated that self-doubting (yet brief) period I went through; it was very annoying.
Another useful phrase I was told, was “men are stupid!”. Now don’t get your knickers tied up in a knot – for me, it means that communication between genders are often lacking. I’m not going to judge my past relationships as “failures”, but rather learning experiences. I think with each guy that comes along, I’ve worked out how to approach issues, etc. so that I am more equipped to handle the next relationship. That’s what I think so lah.
Maybe if all the men in my life got together and held a conference (it would be very small), the outcome might be, “and she did this to you TOO??” But I won’t dwell on that – hahha..
I could be on Oprah, I really really could.