Wednesday, September 14, 2005


"You look different."

"Perhaps it's the glasses. You haven't seen me in these yet."

"Perhaps.. or perhaps it's because you've been in the jungle for so long that it's changed you."

* * * * * * * * * * *

A guy tried to pick me up at the mall the other day. I noticed him and his buddy noticing me but then I had veered off into the girly shops. When our paths crossed the second time, he came up to me and said,

"I need to talk to you" (in a rather commanding tone)

Because I am polite (well, most of the time), I stopped and said, "ok, what's up?"

"Err... My name is Eddy" he placed his right hand on his chest, "what's your name?"

"Um, it's Cayce"

"Where are you from, Cayce?"

"From here -- I'm local" [duh]

"Where do you live?"

Ok, politeness is over. This is getting creepy. As we were talking, I noticed that his friend had moved away, as if to disassociate himself from the scene. On the other side of the mall, another group of guys was intently watching us, probably to see whether this ruse to pick up girls is working.

It was not.

I politely said that I was sorry but I don't normally talk to strangers. He was graceful enough to say, "oh ok -- have a nice day".

You too.

The funny bit is that a month ago, I was kinda wishing that guys would approach me with reasonably intelligent conversation, rather than the usual TWEETTWEET! WHEEWHOO! OI!OIIIIII!! and other inane non-actual words that local guys utter to show their appreciation for a girl. Migod, they're such Romeos.

I mean, like that cute guy walking down the Main Bazaar whom I briefly exchanged eye contact with -- oh baby, I'd tell you where I live.

Well, not really.

Anyway, I appreciate the attempt but you gotta have something to go on besides demanding to know where the girl lives. Stalkerish-much? After all, one of the easiest ways to start a conversation with a stranger is to ask for directions.

So what would you do when you see a girl/guy who catches your eye, walking down the street?

[Me: I'd just exchange brief eye contact with them but I don't think I've ever purposely talked to a stranger just because I think they're cute -- it's much too embarrassing! Yeah... I can talk the talk...]


At 8:53 PM, Blogger Eduardo said...

I think he was doing okay until he asked where you live. Then he ran out of script. It could be that he hadn't developed his strategy fully and was just going off the top of his head. Maybe he and his buddies assumed you wouldn't give him any mind at all.

He should have concentrated a little more on his middle game. Something like, "Wow, am I in luck. Cayce do you believe in being kind to strangers?"

Once you respond in the affirmative (because what girl is going to say, "No," and if she did do you really want to be with her?) he should say...

I'm doing a survey and need to interview a local person. I was wondering if I could buy you a cup of coffee in this very public place and ask you a few questions since you are obviously a kind person and I, Eddy, am a stranger.

Coffee is not a lunch and its not a date. Its just two people talking. Easy as pie.

Now Eddy has a good reason to talk and listen to what you say. Cayce isn't sure what part is the survey or when it starts, but Eddy has to play this with mock seriousness and a touch of humor.

But "Where do you live?" is definitely stalker fodder.

At 8:56 PM, Blogger Eduardo said...

[Me: I'd just exchange brief eye contact with them but I don't think I've ever purposely talked to a stranger just because I think they're cute -- it's much too embarrassing! Yeah... I can talk the talk...]

Btw, you are supposed to trade smiles first. Like this...

See cute girl. Make eye contact. Smile politely. If she smiles back. Walk over and say, Hello.

The smile is everything. Without the smile there is no invitation.

At 8:50 AM, Blogger Cayce said...

Yeah but I've had misfired smiles.. You know, eye contact, and then smile but AH! you waited too late to smile, they're already looking elsewhere. So you're left looking like a grinning idiot..

Ah well.

At 11:58 AM, Blogger Eduardo said...

Watch those misfires, they could easily be caught by guys that you DON'T want to come up to you!

And then, you're in signal pandemonium, because you have to suddenly retract the "go ahead" that you just gave some random guy.

Timing in this game is everything.

At 2:53 PM, Blogger Dermot said...

Eduardo, you make it sound so easy, I can do the eye contact, smile and occasionally am even brave enough to do the hello bit, but the after hello still needs a lot of word as I don't really know what to say or do next.....
I think girls should start trying all this approaching and looking like an idiot stuff, it's only fair!

At 3:43 PM, Blogger Cayce said...

Darren: so complicated! how on earth do people actually mate and reproduce??

Dermot: believe me -- I've had more than a couple of embarrassing, cringe-worthy moments when approaching the opposite sex.. :P

At 3:48 PM, Blogger Cayce said...

Like this one time, I was about... 18 years old and I really really liked this guy from college that I looked up his phone number in the phone book (GAWD) and i CALLED HIM up (double GAWD) and when he asked, "what's up?", I completely blanked out and said, "Nothing -- except for the ceiling" [falls to the floor and cringes]

I didn't know how to respond to the question because I hadn't really come up with a plan of what to talk to him.. and that was seriously the most painful 5 mins? (probably less) phone conversation of my life..

I must say that I was relieved when I never heard from him again! lol

At 9:17 PM, Blogger Eduardo said...

There is a running theory in which many guys believe that they have to act like assholes in order to get a girl.

My opinion is that there's no real trick to it - just be forthwright and if it was meant to be, then the chemistry will work itself out (in other words, i don't subscribe to the asshole theory). This is where the assholes have an advantage, because they don't care what the other is thinking and continue repeatedly until they find a girl that does reciprocate. It's amazing to see the amount of rejection some guys will go through.

I met someone last night - I was out kayaking, and as luck would have it, I was sipping my cafe verona (mmm..starbucks) while touting the benefits of the cupholder that I had found in the rented kayak. She saw me and laughed, pointing out that it was cruel that I had brought some for myself but not for everyone. We ended up scooting around the lake for a good 2 hours!

But if you want a short answer as to how people mate and reproduce? Alcohol and youthful ignorance are my first two guesses.

At 3:05 AM, Blogger Eduardo said...

The solution for the misfired smile is sudden onset of a facial tic as the wrong guy approaches. Just keep smiling at random intervals as though you have some sort of problem.


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